I'm Heartbroken, Frustrated and Upset...

This is not really the most uplifting or inspirational post I've done on this blog. I have not been on this blog in a while, but I did not want to just post a lengthy vent session on my facebook feed. I welcome dialogue and advice here though.

 I'm so heartbroken, frustrated, and upset...

1) Because of everything going on. All of these situations I have been hearing about lately are heartbreaking and there are so many families and communities heartbroken and grieving over so many things. I feel like my prayers about it all are constant and I'm not really sure they are being answered.

2) Our children are watching how we handle all of this. I spent so much time and energy last year trying to teach my students that violence is never the answer. The first thing a lot of them went to was violence OVER ANYTHING. I've had physical altercations break out over a pen found in a hallway. I tried to teach them conversation skills instead of screaming and put-downs. Tried to teach them how to treat others the way they want to be treated and how they have no idea what another person is going through. Tried to teach them how to be open-minded while still standing up for causes that need to be stood up for and now it feels like all of that is being undone due to our example as adults in this country.

If violence is the only acceptable answer to violence then I am beyond lost. I firmly believe that hate cannot drive out hate only love can do that, and I don't believe that because it's a fancy quote from a historical person I deeply admire but I live my life that way. I've been punched in the face for standing up for a friend and not hit back. I've been hurt badly by a person I loved and still did not resort to violence even when some claimed I had a right to. I've chosen forgiveness time and time again and try relentlessly to practice what I preach. Even so, I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and I'm expected to go back and try to teach students love, open-mindedness, and respect virtually somehow. I'm expected to be their support during a pandemic and a civil war. I don't know how to do that.

Greater is He that is living in me , than he who is living in the world.

Lately, I have found myself quite scared of life in general. I have always loved life, and always had the greatest faith in God.  I still do of course, but for some reason death and other scary things have been frightening  to me recently when they never really used to before.

This has been on my mind  a lot. Today though I heard in a variety of songs "Greater is he that is living in me, than he who is living in the world." And Jeremy Camp's song elaborated on it continuing to sing "He’s conquered our enemy No power of darkness No weapon prevails  We stand here in victory". I know God wanted me to hear this as the lyric was quite repetitive today and no other good songs were on. It dawned on me that I do not need to be afraid of frightening things because God has already overcome them. I have enourmous amounts of light in me, and darkness cannot harm me. Jesus cheated death for me. The least I can do is trust that he will get me, my family, my friends and all of us through this scary world because he has already conquered the enemy.

I am so grateful that he has, it makes my life a lot easier.

So... I just reread my blog and I find it funny that 1) I touched on the subject of fear before 2) my last post had this same song. I find it interesting that since I am human sometimes God has to repeat things over and over, just like a nagging parent. I dont mind, God can continue to remind me. He knows I need it. 

The Light Shines in the Darkness and the Darkness Shall Not Overcome It

*Warning some  movie and show spoilers*

A theme that I have noticed  in a few movies and television shows that I have watched is that for someone to save their loved ones they have to fall to some dark side. In Star Wars Anakin falls into the temptation of the dark side is powerful enough to stop death.  In Once Upon A Time the main character Emma gives into the darkness to save the love of her life. Many of the other characters  in many other series and movies do similar things to bring back those who they love or to protect their loved ones.

As I watch this I always wonder why, even though the dark side never wins, it is often viewed as more powerful. It can save our loved ones, it can give us all of these things.  Despite the trend that it never works out for the villains  or even the heroes who use dark magic, they are given great power. Being a fan of the light side this theme of powerful darkness has troubled me a little.

Until I remembered which side is more powerful in real life.

It is not death or darkness that wins in real life, no it is the light. God has the power to raise the dead, he raised his son for all of the world to live. God overpowers evil all the time, and the good side is going to win. The darkness is not more powerful in real life, we have immortality through God and Jesus. We have the holy spirit moving through us and if that is not amazing then I do not know what is. We are more powerful than the darkness. God has defeated it, and guess what.... that same power, the holy spirit, it moves through all of us. We have the force, and the light side is invincible.

I am so thankful that we do not live in the television shows and movies that glorify the power of the dark side (even if they are really good movies and shows). I am so thankful that God is more powerful than anything and that the light the goodness that moves through all living things, through you and me, is more powerful than the greatest evils of the universe. Love truly does conquer all and I could not be more thrilled.

Lately a song has been on the radio stations I listen to a lot, and no matter how repetitious it is or how many times I hear it I leave it on and I listen to the whole thing. That song is Same Power by Jeremey Camp. It fits this post I had no idea I was going to write, but here it all comes together just like it always does.

May God Bless You All.

Thank you for reading.

Breanna

Throwback Thursday!

It is Throwback Thursday!!

I feature posts from my grandfather's blog on these days.  Here is a post from September 14th 2008

"Forgive

Some people wonder why I watch my soap opera. I have to tell you that my soap opera is like a series of parables showing the result of sin. First there was the lie that got discovered and did all kinds of horrible damage to the family including causing one of them to die.
Now in the aftermath of those tragic events comes the problem of forgiveness. Because the family can’t forgive it is being torn apart. Unforgiveness is even causing one family member to consider killing another. At the same time a half crazed criminal who can’t forgive a perceived act by another part of the family is trying to punish that part. And to add to it all the marriage of a nice young couple has ended because he can’t forgive her for lying to him.
In today’s Gospel read in churches using the revised standard lectionary Jesus tells us that Christians have been forgiven by the Father and are obligated to forgive.
The soap opera shows us what happens when people don’t forgive.
In some ways it helps us to understand why Jesus thought forgiveness was so important."

Music Monday #2

Today's song is Stars in the Night by Tenth Avenue North


Lyrics:

No matter where you lead, we want to follow You
Trouble is we forget who we belong to
We chase the wind and tides
We chase the reasons why
Chase the spark inside each other's eyes
Desires are a war, we want that final shore
Sailing on until we find what we've been looking for

Hallelujah, we're running to You
On fire from the mercy in Your eyes
And through the dark, singing we are Yours
Your love will lead us through the fight
Like stars in the night
Stars in the night
Stars in the night
Lead us through the fight

We fix our eyes on what we know is true
Even in our shame, grace makes a way through
Be our obsession, our constellation
You are light in and out of every season
So we keep pressing on with our redemption song
No one can undo what You've done

Hallelujah, we're running to You
On fire from the mercy in Your eyes
And through the dark, singing we are Yours
Your love will lead us through the fight
Like stars in the night

All our lives for the other side, where we'll never die
And in the darkest night, we will lift our eyes
The life that lies ahead is more than all we leave behind

Hallelujah, we're running to You
On fire from the mercy in Your eyes
And through the dark, singing we are Yours
Your love will lead us through the fight
Like stars in the night
Stars in the night
Stars in the night
Lead us through the fight

Stars in the night

Enjoy!

Breanna

Friday Food For Thought #3

The other day I woke up already pretty tired. Work has been crazy and stressful. Outside it was foggy and in general, the day had a general "blah" feeling. Accompanying this was the news talking about the murder of the news reporter and her camera man which was deeply troubling to me.

I think God knew that I was feeling a little worn down because as I reached into a laundry basket in the laundry room I pulled out a white shirt I had been missing for a few weeks though I had gone to look for it. It was my Tenth Avenue North "Worn" t-shirt I got at Lifest.

After I got dressed, I played the song on my phone. The first chorus going like this
"I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world"

My heart was heavy. The world was definitely crushing me at that point, but I knew when I found that shirt that God was speaking to me. 

The next line goes like this

"And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left" 

So I did cry out (in my mind) as I played the song. As I drove to work the station I was on was talking about the event, and I drove on through the fog gently crying. I thought about how life is so much like driving through a fog. We really do not ever know what is going to happen. That morning Alison Parker did not know what was going to happen when she reported to work. There is no way of knowing what is going to happen, and that is scary. As unclear as the fog is, it also has a trance like affect  as though it makes you sleepy/tired/worn.

Throughout these foggy days of Fall something has been just as strong as I drive to school. The sun behind the fog. The sun fought so hard to get out, and it illuminated my path all the way to school where the fog was virtually gone. 

The chorus of the song goes

"Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn"

After getting the shirt on a day I needed it, and having the sun shine so bright through the fog, I can tell you that God has an answer to the singers requests. Redemption will win, the struggle will end, hearts will be mended, and the dead will be reborn.

Is there a fog that you are going through?  Is there something wearing you down? Is there a way that God shines like the sun through the fog for you?

Let me know in the comments or by using the email option to the right.

Breanna

Friday Food For Thought #2

It really hard to decypher through all the voices that talk at us. We have the media, teachers, parents, loved ones, significant others, best friends, and even strangers telling us all different things about who we are, who we should be, and what we should be doing. For myself, one of those voices is my own. I tell myself a lot of things ranging from good things to negative things.  

These voices were at full force the day before and the morning of my drivers test. Most of you reading this will likely know the whole battle that occurred to get me to drive. I was scared to death of it. I did not pass my first test and I did not drive again for two or so years. The night before my test I kept repeating how scared I was, to the point I was almost paralyzed. Even though I knew that I am a good driver and that I had practiced enough, I did not think I could pass.  I did not think it would be possible that I could ever actually pass. 

Part of this was simply not being confident enough. Part of it was the fact that I had come so far from where I had been a few months prior, which was on the verge of a mental breakdown if anyone even hinted at suggesting that I drive. I was so proud that I was actually emotionally ready to drive, but I also knew my confidence would be shattered if I did not pass. I also had the weight of all these people who just wanted me to pass. The morning of my test the song "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns came on. In a really quick  summary, this song talks about all the voices that tell you that you cannot do something. It talks about people in the bible who overcame the voices. One of these comparisons is to David and Goliath. This is the story in the bible of the David, who was tiny fighting the giant Goliath with just a sling and a stone, while all the other warriors were too frightened to do so. Despite his size and the odds, David brought down Goliath.  I brought down my Goliath, with strength from this song, and passed my drivers test. 

Why do you think it is so hard to listen to God's voice, the Voice of Truth? Do you find it hard? What voices give you the most trouble? What ways do you have to fight your giants, and listen to the Voice of Truth? 

Let me know in the comments below, or you can contact me via the contact form on the right side of my blog.

I hope you have a wonderful Friday and weekend.

~ Breanna